Mihaela Dumitru, a psychiatrist, explains to me this phenomenon that made distant loves become the new love Grail: “With the Internet, people begin to know each other, to" meet "in different ways. As a means of communication, paradoxically, the Internet facilitates communication, reducing the strange and embarrassing moments that can happen in reality. This while, on the other hand, it increases the isolation of people ".
"The Internet can be seen as a transitional space, as an intermediate area between itself and the other. This psychological space is an ideal terrain for the projection of fantasies and desires. It is a safe area for expressing vulnerability, emotional and sexual openness, free of commitment and from which you can leave with a single click ", says Dr. Mihaela Dumitru.
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist, Elle Magazine, December 2015
I LOVE YOU. YOU TOO
"Over time, men have somehow had the right to cheat, behavior supported and explained by multiple biological and evolutionary theories. The women had children from several men, who contributed to their upbringing. The gender gap in infidelity has become smaller with the emancipation of women and the longer time they spend together in the office, in private spaces, in delegations, with Internet relationships, dating sites. etc. “, explained Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst.
"Men's infidelity is most often linked to the desire to hunt, to the taste of adventure, of the unknown. Of the excitement and adrenaline they entail, and less of an unhappy marriage. There are also situations in which men can cheat because of the fear of intimacy, of commitment. Women are often deceived for emotional reasons: unhappy marriages, feelings of loneliness, devaluation, abandonment, etc., "says Dr. Mihaela Dumitru.
"Today, it seems that we are moving from monogamy to a serial monogamy, more relationships or successive marriages," says Dr. Mihaela Dumitru.
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist, Elle Magazine, September 2015
NANI, NANI, MOTHER'S CHILD
"Studies show that babies whose mothers respond adequately to their needs, in the first year of life, cry less, sleep better and are more willing to accept the wishes of their parents," says Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst .
Certain maternal behaviors cause disturbances in the mother's relationship with the child and induce episodes of insomnia in the baby. Dr. Mihaela Dumitru gives us some examples that can be corrected: increased anxiety or ambivalence towards the baby, namely the anxieties of death or separation (there are mothers who often wake the baby to make sure everything is fine with him) , an incoherent and unpredictable attitude in caring for the baby (those mothers who have a real difficulty in meeting the needs of the baby, which can eventually lead to emotional deprivation), overstimulation of the child or postpartum maternal depression in the first months of the child's life. But, beyond the natural sense - maternal or paternal -, there are parental strategies that can improve the child's sleep, which can be learned and put into practice, depending on the child's age. In general, it helps to respect the child's need for sleep by reducing stimuli before bed.
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru talks to us about the emotional and psychological side, declaring that “putting a baby in the crib to fall asleep or calm down alone can lead to a feeling of helplessness, helplessness, fear, abandonment or loss of confidence in the child. parent and alive. Even in the case of babies who do not wake up at night, it is important that the mother or father can hold them until they fall asleep. Physical contact with one of the parents (preferably the least agitated at that time), the arms of the mother or father, full of warmth, secures and calms the baby at the same time.
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist, Elle Kids Magazine, October 2014
ARE THERE GOOD CHILDREN AND BAD CHILDREN?
A child who grows up suffering physical and emotional abuse from his parents, is in a paradoxical, deadlocked situation, being caught between his fundamental need for attachment and security and fear of an abusive or disorganized parent. In the case of this child, who in early childhood suffered abuse, with a disorganized attachment, conduct disorder may be his only way to take control of the situation; this school-age child will tend to manipulate and become aggressive with others, even their own parents.
Therefore, I think it is important to understand that conduct disorders can represent the child's response to a subjective stalemate, and that they are built as mechanisms for adapting to the difficulties of this moment of stalemate. Young children may also have conduct disorders, as defense mechanisms against anxiety, fear of dropping out, school difficulties, etc. Often, children with these disorders try to cope with hostile or unstable environments, an emotional deficiency but also the lack of parental boundaries, whose function is structuring for the harmonious development of the child. Behavioral disorders can be a way to stage, to "evacuate" the tensions experienced in the family, conflict situations such as parental divorce or domestic violence, or physical and emotional abuse by adults on children.
Of course, there are also rarer situations in which the behavior of these children comes against the background of more serious mental disorders or brain injuries, of an epileptic, traumatic nature, etc. The latter cannot understand the connection between their actions and consequences, so that they can represent a danger both for themselves and for others.
The attitude of the parents (parenting style) also plays a decisive role in the child's behavior and evolution, and among the situations that influence the attitude of parents and are risk factors for behavioral disorders in children, we mention: behavioral disorders of mother, father, of the couple-hostility in the family, family size, low socio-economic level, residency mobility, postnatal maternal depression, alcoholism of the father and / or mother, other drug addiction or other psychopathological disorder. "
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist, Elle Kids Magazine, May 2014
FASCINATION FOR CELEBRITY
"The desire to have access to the intimate life of celebrities is closely linked to our self-image and our identity as human beings. In a society where moral values are increasingly ambiguous, people are in dire need of landmarks, of identifying with others, in order to grow, develop and build themselves. "
"On the other side of the coin, the desire to be a star at any cost is part of an approach of emotional search and social recognition. Along with the celebrity, the star lives a feeling of omnipotence, like the baby loved by her mother, in which she feels the world at her feet, and the landmarks in the external reality tend to be lost. "
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychoanalyst and psychiatrist
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Here's how he sees things Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, candidate psychoanalyst in the Romanian Society of Psychoanalysis and psychiatrist at EPSAN (Etablissment Public Sante Alsace Nord), France: "The passing of the years is a symbolic passage, as if, tonight, like any other, but so different, everything is under the sign of change, of passage, of evolution. in these moments we look to a future in which we put all our hopes, as if the new year could make us another man: better, more beautiful, wiser, more generous. Resolutions at the end of the year often aim to eliminate, to repair a defective part of us, in the illusory search for an ideal of the self, and that is why they are often doomed to failure, or, worse, are followed by the guilt of not being at the height expected and projected for the New Year. I would say that perhaps the best and most profitable resolution we can make for the New Year is to be able to accept ourselves as we are, with indulgence, wisdom and a lot of love. ”
HELP! I'M AFRAID TO GET MARRIED!
"Fear is perfectly normal. A point of reference in a woman's life, an event intensely invested and fantasized since the time of stories with princes and princesses, marriage symbolizes change and evolution. The rite of passage from one stage to another, marriage is an important step in becoming a woman, marking her entry into adulthood. At the same time, it involves assuming separations that may be difficult or painful, but also necessary: from a previous lifestyle, from the family of origin, from the myth of the perfect man, from the ghost of a former relationship, etc.
Of course, in the face of a future full of uncertainties, the entrance to this unknown land is paved with questions, worries and anxieties. All the more so in modern society, where "they lived happily ever after" is almost obsolete.
However, we may wonder if there are no other motivations behind this anxiety: fear of not loving enough, or not being loved enough, fear of not enduring the partner's flaws, fear of sexuality, intimacy, motherhood, femininity, the fear of not being invaded, “devoured” by the other, the fear of addiction or on the contrary the fear of losing one's independence, the fear of not repeating the mistakes of the parental couple, etc.
Whatever the situation, the panic before marriage can be both a good opportunity for introspection and the moment of open discussions with the partner on each other's fears and expectations. I believe that understanding and accepting these fears can relax, calm and ultimately release partners in the face of such an important choice. Before marriage, it is important to know your feelings and to be able to communicate with yourself, in order to have a harmonious and authentic contact with the other!
… And you may remember the reasons that brought you together! ”
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru
HAIR ISSUES
The connection between psychological factors and hair condition is unanimously accepted and universally valid. We all know or have heard of people who, as a result of a major psychotrauma, have lost a lot of hair or bleached overnight. Alopecia has recently been included in the category of psychosomatic diseases, along with atopic dermatitis, eczema, urticaria, psoriasis, etc. In addition, it is known that the skin is one of the most reactive organs to stress, and the scalp with hair follicles is no exception.
Hair loss, increased sebum secretion or dandruff are often the words through which our body cries out its anxieties, loneliness, fears, losses, separations or unconscious conflicts. Sometimes they tell us about a feeling of bodily fragmentation, of emptiness, a deficient self-image or about our social conventions and our relationship with authority ", explains Dr. Mihaela Dumitru.
If we analyze the situation, the close connection between emotions and hair is also supported by our vocabulary, which contains many expressions that symbolize this correlation, but also by serious scientific research. The psychiatrist told me that studies in recent years use the level of cortisol in the hair as a marker to measure chronic stress. For example, to determine students' stress levels before school started, a group of Dutch researchers analyzed and compared fragments of children's hair taken during the holidays and compared them with some harvested two months after school.
The study, which was published this year, showed a significant increase in cortisol in the hair with attendance. "Therefore, the current therapeutic strategy consists in an integrative approach to alopecia, which combines dermatocosmetic treatments, which act on the symptom, with psychodynamic-oriented psychotherapy, which addresses the cause of the symptom", adds Dr. Mihaela Dumitru.
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, Elle Magazine, September 2013: "Wire hair adornment"
A DIFFERENT BLUES
"Americans call it The Wedding Blues; It is a state of depression that can affect young married people, mostly brides, immediately after the wedding - most often a few days or weeks after marriage. After investing in this project for almost a year, dealing with the smallest details, all of a sudden everything ends abruptly enough for the newlyweds to wake up confused, in a big vacuum. It can happen that the bride is invaded by feelings of sadness, anxiety, moments of panic, crying and no longer feeling like anything, and everything can be felt all the more acutely as the bride made of the organization marriage is an end in itself, living this period as a countdown. There are brides who see this event almost as a confirmation of their own existence - as if, once married, their lives will change radically, they will become someone else. But marriage does not bring with it any confirmation; marriage is a journey for two, with many trials along the way and with many transformations, it is a continuous dance between the need to merge with the other and the need for individual freedom. ”
The psychotherapist explains why the "blues" affects women to a greater extent, who invest a lot in this event they have been dreaming of since childhood. "On the wedding day, the bride, dressed like a princess, beautifully styled and made up, surrounded by professional photographers, receives all the admiration of all for 24 hours. Because, after this narcissistic bath, to be expelled from the enchanting land of fairy tales and forced to give up the throne, the crown, the dress, to become a wife. Under these conditions, returning to reality can be difficult, as well as being aware of the fact that - fortunately! - life goes on."
And then the feeling of emptiness appears and the worries, the uncertainties, the questions begin: about you, about the partner, about the couple, about this "where" together, about how there can be a harmonious "I" in "us", etc. It is not uncommon for, in the fever of organizing the wedding, one of the two - in most cases the man, who is less involved - is left aside, in favor of the show itself, which acquires grandiose proportions. It's a way of not seeing the forest of trees.
"I would recommend to young people who want to get married to stay connected with each other, to communicate permanently, in order to preserve and recreate that harmony and unity of the couple", says Mihaela Dumitru, psychotherapist. This journey of organizing the marriage should be lived as a journey for two, in which more important than the final destination is the journey itself, with its special moments; a journey together that offers the opportunity to get to know you better, to get to know the other one better, to write together a moment from your common story. Because, isn't it, after marriage the story goes on to "and they lived happily ever after together in old age."
Dr. Mihaela Dumitru, psychiatrist - Miresici Magazine no. 3, 2012
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