"Slowly, slowly, I lose all desire: to talk, to move, to take care of my husband, my children, my house…. The hardest thing for me is to start the day. I wake up already swallowed by anxiety. I no longer have the strength to move on. I no longer want these time constraints, this noise, these confrontations, these gestures repeated hundreds of times. I don't even want to see my children anymore. I don't want to give anything away: no time, no words. I want to be alone, in peace… »
The sincere, courageous, honest testimony of a mother (Stephanie Allenou), and of her journey from happiness to exhaustion. A mother who tells us about her isolation, about her feelings of inadequacy, shame, guilt, about her doubts, her questions and fears, about the moments of loss of control, about the violence felt in daily contact with her children, about her life everyday, which has become unbearable. A mother who wanted to do everything for her children, to always respond as quickly as possible to their needs, looking at herself until abandonment, until the loss of self-identity.
With sensitivity and intelligence, the author makes a confession of her deep distress, while denouncing the hypocrisy of contemporary society that idolizes motherhood, completely forgetting the woman.
The author talks to her readers about the need to talk, to testify about the experiences and feelings of mothers, from physical to mental exhaustion, in order to end their isolation.
"This lack of rest presses me so hard that I am exasperated. I hate them because they never let me rest. Consequently, when I go to take care of the one who cries, I fail to do it tenderly. I control myself not to make him "pay." I am content to perform the correct child care gestures, but I do not play and I smile very little. I rather want to tell him how hard it is for me to get up from the couch, when I only dream of sleeping a little. I would like to explain to him that he should spare his mother, who has reached her limits. »
Stefanie speaks for all mothers in the world, regardless of age, origin, culture… talks about the "burn-out" of mothers, a mixture of fatigue, isolation, lack of gratitude, lack of validation. Hence the maximum emotional vulnerability, emotional lability, loss of control, the feeling of "monster mother", the feeling that there is no escape, even dark thoughts.
Stephanie's testimony helps us once again to understand that the exhaustion of mothers:
- It can happen to anyone ! … .And the unfounded but real shame of mothers must be overcome!
- It is more common than we are willing to see / believe / accept
- Mothers need to confess the hardships they go through in order to receive help from those around them!
- The help of a professional is necessary to be able to get out of the crisis and (re) find the rhythm, place and status of woman and mother!
I agree with the author, who dedicates the book to all those who should know, understand, be there…"Mothers
- To know that their girlfriends are not well
- To feel less alone
- To be able to anticipate and protect themselves
- To react
- To get out of the crisis
- to understand
- to hear his wives
- Not to run
- To get involved
- to understand that their daughters do not benefit from better conditions than they do
- to understand the isolation in which they find themselves
- To understand that they have an important role
- To mother from time to time
Grandparents, etc. »